Lost Love

Being in a romantic relationship that only consists of commitment is something that I can look back on and say that I have been apart of. I was engaged to be married to a woman that I thought that I loved, however, it was merely me committing to what we had started together and not quitting on her or the relationship. There became a point in the relationship that the only reason that I stayed was because we had bought a pair of dogs together and I did not what to let them go. Ultimately, I did not want to love this woman any more or be committed to her based on the investments into the relationship. The investments that were being made on my behalf were not being returned by her. Her lack of love and commitment is what drove me away and eventually led to me leaving her and pursuing happiness that included love and commitment. I am still within my search.

Intimacy

 The intriguing aspect about intimacy is that it is the foundation of romantic relationships. The reason it is the foundation is because intimacy involves a level of passion as well as commitment. Being intimate with another person calls for a certain amount of passion. Without strong passionate feelings, intimacy would not be possible. The same is also true with commitment in regards to how important it is within the framework of intimacy. Being committed to passion within the relationship is the way intimacy exists between the people in the relationship. These aspects; passion and commitment, are important in intimacy, making intimacy a big role player in what makes romantic relationships successful. Having this knowledge, specifically about intimacy, is helpful in the development and success of romantic relationships. Romance is not possible without passion and relationships are nothing without commitment. Intimacy is what ties the two aspects together making romantic relationships possible. 

Acceptance, Trust, and Support

Similarities are what draw people close in a relationship while differences strengthen the bond that brought them together to begin with. Establishing a new friendship is filled with different checkpoints and along the way we are able to determine whether or not the person will be well suited for life as a friend.  Acceptance, trust, and support are three attributes that are required when developing a new friendship. When my best friend and I first started hanging out we had to accept the others point of view when it came to religion and not let our different believes prevent us from developing a friendship with one another. As our relationship grew, we were both able to entrust one another with more emotionally involved topics. Having an understanding of trust helps develop the supportive aspect of a friendship because people will not look for support from someone they do not trust. When I spilt up with my fiancé, my best friend was there to support my decision and accept my reasons for no longer wanting to get married, let alone stay in the relationship. His support is what made it easier to get over, what used to be, the love of my life.

Acceptance, Trust, and Support

Similarities are what draw people close in a relationship while differences strengthen the bond that brought them together to begin with. Establishing a new friendship is filled with different checkpoints and along the way we are able to determine whether or not the person will be well suited for life as a friend.  Acceptance, trust, and support are three attributes that are required when developing a new friendship. When my best friend and I first started hanging out we had to accept the others point of view when it came to religion and not let our different believes prevent us from developing a friendship with one another. As our relationship grew, we were both able to entrust one another with more emotionally involved topics. Having an understanding of trust helps develop the supportive aspect of a friendship because people will not look for support from someone they do not trust. When I spilt up with my fiancé, my best friend was there to support my decision and accept my reasons for no longer wanting to get married, let alone stay in the relationship. His support is what made it easier to get over, what used to be, the love of my life.

Relationship Rules

Rules are apart of everyday life, we even learned how rules play part in our feelings back in chapter 7. In chapter 10, we get to learn more about rules within relationships. Without rules to help guide our day to day relationships, people may get offended. People do not want to intentionally upset a friend or a loved one that they have developed an intimate relationship with. The text provides a great example of a relationship rule that friends might have regarding time. It would be okay to arrive at a friends house 5 minuets after the time scheduled to arrive but not 40 minuets as this would be a sign of disrespect. A relationship rule that one of my buddies and I follow is to respect each others thoughts. If there is something that either one of us is opinionated about we respect the opinion and are entitled to offer our own opinion without worrying about offending the other person. 

Cognitive Labeling View of Emotions

Reflection in areas of life are important to understand feelings, remember times in the past, good and bad, and in order to prepare for the future. Cognitive labeling view of emotions involves interpreting experiences and using the emotions that evolved from each experience. As a head coach reviews the game film from the previous week in order to reflect on the mistakes as well as the success during the game. Using what the coach learned from the game film, he can better prepare his team for the next game, getting rid of mistakes and enhancing the success. If the head coach went from game to game without any preparation it would be difficult to win consistently. In the text, Michelle was able to understand the differences between being startled and being afraid with the coaching of her mother. He mother explain what her reaction meant and why she had it. Instead of being scared Michelle shows how she understood her feelings by saying “Madhi makes my heart beat faster because I love her.” (pg.174) 

Perfectionism

There have been many times in the past that I have been nervous around a corporate boss not sure how my performance would be evaluated. When I worked at Bank of America, my boss would routinely have visitors from corporate sit with me and watch how I performed. The reason my boss did this was because of my work ethic and the results that I produced. The first couple times having corporate evaluate what I was about made me very nervous and put me through something that I had not overcome before, Perfectionism. Once I started telling my self that my boss chose me because of my skills and my hard work, I became less and less nervous making the experience more enjoyable for myself and the corporate staff. With my self-confidence enabling me to get past my own self doubts, I was able to overcome the stress that comes with Perfectionism.