Lost Love

Being in a romantic relationship that only consists of commitment is something that I can look back on and say that I have been apart of. I was engaged to be married to a woman that I thought that I loved, however, it was merely me committing to what we had started together and not quitting on her or the relationship. There became a point in the relationship that the only reason that I stayed was because we had bought a pair of dogs together and I did not what to let them go. Ultimately, I did not want to love this woman any more or be committed to her based on the investments into the relationship. The investments that were being made on my behalf were not being returned by her. Her lack of love and commitment is what drove me away and eventually led to me leaving her and pursuing happiness that included love and commitment. I am still within my search.

Intimacy

 The intriguing aspect about intimacy is that it is the foundation of romantic relationships. The reason it is the foundation is because intimacy involves a level of passion as well as commitment. Being intimate with another person calls for a certain amount of passion. Without strong passionate feelings, intimacy would not be possible. The same is also true with commitment in regards to how important it is within the framework of intimacy. Being committed to passion within the relationship is the way intimacy exists between the people in the relationship. These aspects; passion and commitment, are important in intimacy, making intimacy a big role player in what makes romantic relationships successful. Having this knowledge, specifically about intimacy, is helpful in the development and success of romantic relationships. Romance is not possible without passion and relationships are nothing without commitment. Intimacy is what ties the two aspects together making romantic relationships possible. 

Acceptance, Trust, and Support

Similarities are what draw people close in a relationship while differences strengthen the bond that brought them together to begin with. Establishing a new friendship is filled with different checkpoints and along the way we are able to determine whether or not the person will be well suited for life as a friend.  Acceptance, trust, and support are three attributes that are required when developing a new friendship. When my best friend and I first started hanging out we had to accept the others point of view when it came to religion and not let our different believes prevent us from developing a friendship with one another. As our relationship grew, we were both able to entrust one another with more emotionally involved topics. Having an understanding of trust helps develop the supportive aspect of a friendship because people will not look for support from someone they do not trust. When I spilt up with my fiancé, my best friend was there to support my decision and accept my reasons for no longer wanting to get married, let alone stay in the relationship. His support is what made it easier to get over, what used to be, the love of my life.

Acceptance, Trust, and Support

Similarities are what draw people close in a relationship while differences strengthen the bond that brought them together to begin with. Establishing a new friendship is filled with different checkpoints and along the way we are able to determine whether or not the person will be well suited for life as a friend.  Acceptance, trust, and support are three attributes that are required when developing a new friendship. When my best friend and I first started hanging out we had to accept the others point of view when it came to religion and not let our different believes prevent us from developing a friendship with one another. As our relationship grew, we were both able to entrust one another with more emotionally involved topics. Having an understanding of trust helps develop the supportive aspect of a friendship because people will not look for support from someone they do not trust. When I spilt up with my fiancé, my best friend was there to support my decision and accept my reasons for no longer wanting to get married, let alone stay in the relationship. His support is what made it easier to get over, what used to be, the love of my life.

Relationship Rules

Rules are apart of everyday life, we even learned how rules play part in our feelings back in chapter 7. In chapter 10, we get to learn more about rules within relationships. Without rules to help guide our day to day relationships, people may get offended. People do not want to intentionally upset a friend or a loved one that they have developed an intimate relationship with. The text provides a great example of a relationship rule that friends might have regarding time. It would be okay to arrive at a friends house 5 minuets after the time scheduled to arrive but not 40 minuets as this would be a sign of disrespect. A relationship rule that one of my buddies and I follow is to respect each others thoughts. If there is something that either one of us is opinionated about we respect the opinion and are entitled to offer our own opinion without worrying about offending the other person. 

Cognitive Labeling View of Emotions

Reflection in areas of life are important to understand feelings, remember times in the past, good and bad, and in order to prepare for the future. Cognitive labeling view of emotions involves interpreting experiences and using the emotions that evolved from each experience. As a head coach reviews the game film from the previous week in order to reflect on the mistakes as well as the success during the game. Using what the coach learned from the game film, he can better prepare his team for the next game, getting rid of mistakes and enhancing the success. If the head coach went from game to game without any preparation it would be difficult to win consistently. In the text, Michelle was able to understand the differences between being startled and being afraid with the coaching of her mother. He mother explain what her reaction meant and why she had it. Instead of being scared Michelle shows how she understood her feelings by saying “Madhi makes my heart beat faster because I love her.” (pg.174) 

Perfectionism

There have been many times in the past that I have been nervous around a corporate boss not sure how my performance would be evaluated. When I worked at Bank of America, my boss would routinely have visitors from corporate sit with me and watch how I performed. The reason my boss did this was because of my work ethic and the results that I produced. The first couple times having corporate evaluate what I was about made me very nervous and put me through something that I had not overcome before, Perfectionism. Once I started telling my self that my boss chose me because of my skills and my hard work, I became less and less nervous making the experience more enjoyable for myself and the corporate staff. With my self-confidence enabling me to get past my own self doubts, I was able to overcome the stress that comes with Perfectionism.

Feeling Rules

“It is better to give than to receive,” is a quote heard during the holidays meaning it is better to give some one a gift than it is to receive a gift. Hochschild describes feeling rules and the importance of them in today’s society. She claims that one way a society attempts to control people is through feeling rules that uphold broad social values and structures (pg174). The slogan “It is better to give than to receive,” is a motivated slogan used to get people to purchase items during the holidays. In addition, it reenforces the altruistic ideology structured into today’s American society. It is acceptable feel to good giving someone a gift and not receive anything other than a “Thank you” in return. However, is it better to give someone else the promotion instead of receiving that promotion yourself? Of course not, if you are qualified to make more money, why would you give that up simply because “It is better to give than to receive.” If we were to continuously try to abide by this altruistic slogan we would have nothing at all for ourselves. Imagine everything that you receive you give away to someone else because it is better to do that. The end result would eventually be death. Feeling rules are very powerful and if not used correctly can be devastating to a society. 

Capitalize on thought speed

The importance of listening in order to be able to effectively communicate is evident in both the text and by Dr. Nichols in “Listening is a 10 Part Skill.” There are many similarities between the novel and our text. Listening skill number three, “Hold your fire”  and the ambushing section of the text are identical in content. However, listening skill number ten, “Capitalize on thought speed,” is a topic of its own. The speed at which humans think compared to the speed at which we speak is drastically different. It is important that all the skills listed in the novel are used in order be able to capitalize on how quickly we think. Without the previous nine skills, the tenth skill would not be possible because the other skills actually teach you how to “capitalize on thought speed.” The last part of the novel reemphases that proper communication starts with our ears and being able truly listen to the communicator. 

I've never really liked Monopoly

Familiarizing myself with the six different forms of non listening was enlightening because I have been guilty of them all. Realizing how problematic non listening can be makes it possible to adjust any errors in conversation. Monopolizing a conversation is the form of non listening that I am going to try to improve. The times that this form of non listening really stands out is when I am conversing with strangers or people I really do not know. Understanding that I may not see these people again, I feel the importance of communicating my thoughts. However, this is not an excuse to monopolize a conversation. Just like the text says, “We already know what we think and feel, so there’s little we can learn from hearing ourselves!” (pg 154). People can learn more from one another then we realize and monopolizing a conversation hinders that learning, for this reason I am going to work on not monopolizing conversations that I partake in. 

PREJUDGEMENT

Time is what guides day to day life and without the it things would be impossible to adhere to. Having worked in a call center for Bank of America taking over 60 calls a day, one is bound to use prejudgement when assisting a client because each call is expected to be finished within a certain timeframe. With the massive amount of calls taken during the day, one would think that there might be a little verity within those calls. However, because most of the calls are similar, replacing a debit card, change of address, or the reordering of a tax document, prejudgement is used to finish the call promptly. Prejudgement can, and often does, back fire because another concern within the call can be missed. The prejudgement often adds time to the phone call as oppose to expediting the call. Being sure of what someone is going to say is not possible, which is why it is important to fully listen and only respond once the person has finished expressing themselves.

Religion = Hate Speech

Too many times wars have been started over misunderstandings or by the offensive nature words tote.  Hate speech is a civil war starter. People will fight in the streets over a disagreement of words and sometimes nothing more. It is interesting that hate speech is as guaranteed as any other First Amendment right understanding how people react to  scrutiny. The situation in Libya is an example of how a group of people, when confronted with the right images or insults, will go the extreme for what the believe in. We see this in our country today with the conservative Christians and signs says that homosexuality is a sin or that gays are going to burn in hell. Even if a place like that did exist, I would rather be there than a place where people judge others and tell them what they can and cannot do. Hate speech comes from one place, religions. Living to serve a God and believing that every act completed is by that God can hinder logical decision making. Even these comments about Christianity and God will upset someone, not because a curse word is being used, but because their beliefs are being questioned. Beliefs are passed on from generation to generation, therefore, there is an emotional tie to our beliefs. Because our beliefs are emotional, anything that is said about what we believe in is automatically an emotional insult. The decision to believe what has been passed down from generation to generation is not a logical decision, it is purely emotional. To reduce hate speech we need to reduce religion. 

Pico De Gallo

The American culture is influenced by the cultures of the world, making where we live a very unique place. The mixture of cultures has been referred to as a “melting pot” and is being criticized as of late. The criticism is not without warrant. Everything in the pot is forced to melt together and give up certain qualities that make each item unique. A pico de gallo salsa might be a more relevant metaphor to what the mixtures of cultures really resemble. The pico de gallo salsa has many different ingredients mixed together as a chunky and flavorful dip. The tomatoes, onions, chilies, and lime juice are chopped and mixed together. With salsa, all of the individual flavors stand out, at the same time, each of the flavors blend together. No flavors of the salsa are sacrificed and yet all are apart of one great combination.  As an American, we are exposed to many different cultures and we are able to absorb them and claim them as part of who we are. We may not do everything that the Indian culture does just because we had curry, however, having a cuisine from a foreign land gives us a little insight into what is important to that race of people. 

Abstract Language

"Down, set, hike!" To many people these three words are associated with American Football. Three words with three different meanings. What do they mean? Depending on how these words are used they will mean different things to different individuals. Often "down" is referring to direction, being the opposite of up. In the American Football context it refers to the Quarterback telling all of the offensive players to get ready to be "set." Once the Quarterback yells "set," all of the offensive players need to get ready for the ball to be "hiked" and no one is allowed to move once the "set" call has been made. Shortly after everyone is set the Quarterback will "hike" the ball. The "hike" call commands the football into the Quarterback's hands and gives an order to be completed by all the offensive players on the field. It is not a call for everyone to start walking long distance. These words are abstract in meaning and clarification is needed in order to succeed in playing American Football. These words are not the things themselves, but jargon that is represented differently depending on the context in which they are used. With the knowledge about abstract language it is possible to prevent communication errors.

What is Race?

Race gives us a glimpse into the past. Illness can be race specific, by knowing ones race it is possible to foresee any complications in the future and try prevent them. It is important to know the history we came from to understand and develop our future.  In health and society there are many different classifications about all races but these do not have to define people. What defines a person is how they view them self. I do not view myself as a race. I understand that my ancestors travelled here from different European countries but I classify my self as handsome, intelligent, and entertaining. To think that a person will turn out a specific way just because of the color of their skin is irrational. It creates excuses if someone fails and if someone succeeds. It is a way to hedge our bets, “We’re right if the white kid succeeds because he was suppose to and we’re right if he fails because no one can expect that much out of a person.” Classifying people by race merely for medical reasons is a fine way to advance our society and help prevent illness. The area that classifying a race is irrelevant is in the job market.

The Self-Fufilling Prophecy

Growing up the son of a skilled all-around athlete, my father found it important to institutionalize sports at an early age. My first sport I started at the age of 5 was coach pitch soft toss hardball. Something that my father told me religiously before every at bat was to imagine what I was going to do the ball. I was not to think about how the ball could hit me or that I might swing and miss. By having an image of me hitting the ball, I was giving myself an advantage through the use of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course I did not know that at the time, but looking back, I can see how important it was for me to be reassured that I was going to get that hit. I may not have gotten a hit every time, however, I am sure there were more hits because of the confidence that was instilled prior to me even stepping into the box. The self-fulfilling prophecy can either make or break a person, not just in sports or school, but in day to day life as well. You cannot really control what others think of you. For this reason, it is important to convey a positive self-fulfilling prophecy. The text uses the lack of a teachers respect as a result of not doing well in a prior classes and using that as the existing excuse to fail the current class. If the self-fulfilling prophecy is used in a positive way then it is possible to overcome a previous experience with teachers that lack respect.

Self-Actualization

Growth is important in the development of the human mind. Self-actualization is a part of this growth. Outside the normal human needs of survival, safety, belonging, and esteem, we need to be able to affectively witness growth. The text provides two examples of self-actualization, in the examples there is a wiser person giving someone that is in need of guidance the specific attention in order to see growth. Each person is seeing the growth, the first in them and the second in the person that they are guiding. The importance of self-actualization goes beyond just the individual. With examples such as, Mohandas Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr. Buddha, and Confucius, it is evident how self-actualization goes beyond the individual and where the importance lies in human growth. The difference one person can make in a city, society, or world is reliant on the person that seeks ultimate growth. Growth not only for themselves, but for everyone around them as well.

Meeting between friends

“What’s up man, my name’s Jesse, were gonna be on the same team.” Is how I was greeted by my soon to be best friend. Neither of us knew that we would end up as best friends at the time, it was just how our friendship started. Most interactions between humans start out as I-it or I-you relationships. Your parents, family, and any close friends you grow up with are going to be the exception. Jesse and I found out that we had similar interests because of this we started hanging out more and more. As we started to hang out we found topics that caught both of our interests such as the San Francisco Giants. Other topics like, religion, was taboo. As time went on, the list of taboo topics got shorter and shorter, even religion has been removed. Both of us are atheists so religion is now something that we agree on. Now our arguments consist of which San Francisco Giant’s players’ should be starting in each game.

Models of Communication: Linear vs Interactive

After reading the differences between linear and interactive communication, it is clear that both are used on a day to day basis. When we listen to the radio or watch television we communicating linearly. When we are ordering breakfast, this is interactive. How either model of communication is used is up to the communicator. The linear type of communication is more obvious in lecture venues or when we are getting the lengthy “this is what I would have liked to see” talk from the boss or from mom and dad. I think another appropriate form of linear communication is seen in sports. The quarterback is a good example because he is the one calling the play in the huddle. No one else in the huddle can call the play. Instead, everyone in the huddle hears the play (encoded message) and should know how to run that play (decode the message.) This is actually one of the draw backs of linear communication; it assumes that the listening party understands what is being said. This form of communication is much different then that of interactive communication where more then one party is responsible for contribution to the conversation. Sticking with football, if the coach and players had not interactively communicated about the plays, how would the quarterback know what he was telling his team, moreover, how would the team know what was being told to them. The reality is that all would be lost if interactive communication was not part of creating the plays. It is imperative to communicate in order to avoid catastrophe.

Introduction

Hello everyone and welcome. My name is Daniel and I am a communications major originally from Concord, California. In my opinion, the best thing about growing up in the bay area, other then the weather, is the proximity to many different outdoor activities. Of all the outdoor activities, bike riding, surfing, mountain climbing, water rafting, etc., my favorite would have to be snowboarding. Being at the top of one of the highest peaks in California and seeing nothing but the other mountain tops all around is one of the prettiest, and at the same time, intimidating experiences one can endure. When I'm not smashing down the face of a mountain, I enjoy your more traditional sports like football, baseball, golf, I also box and recently started mixed marshal arts. Boxing is a great way to stay in shape and let out a lot of aggression. I think it is of the utmost importance to take care of your body.